I Am Not Where I Have Been

Hey there! I hope you all are having a lovely Saturday. It is a beautiful, sunny (but very windy) day here, and I am enjoying it from my bedroom. The wind is blowing on my wind chime making beautiful music with the breeze, and I can look out my windows and see the river. I am truly blessed.

A little over  year ago now I started this blog of mine, which was then called alwayshc3pe, since then I have changed and revamped my blog around, and I thought it was only necessary because we as human beings are always growing and changing, we do not stay the same. I want this blog to grow with me, because as hard as it is for me to sometimes accept the fact that things change, I know they do. Most of the time, when we change or parts of our life change, it is typically for the better. Maybe in that moment we cannot see it, but something good will eventually come from it.

Back when I first started this blog, I really did not have any answers as to why I was feeling the way that I was. I was tired ALL of the time, could barely walk down the sidewalk without my walker, was dizzy 24/7, and had constant tremors. Now, after having had three or four trips to the Cleveland Clinic with a second tilt table test, and a thermodynamic sweat test, I received my diagnoses. That means that I now have proper medications, and guidelines to follow to help me feel better. I am not 100% better. I still have my bad days. In fact, I am experiencing a tough day today. I woke up with a heart rate of 172 bpm. I was shaking and dizzy. After some time passed and I started feeling a bit better, I decided to hop in the shower, which looking back was probably the worst thing I could have done, because after that I started feeling funny again. I took my blood pressure, and as I was taking it I started blacking out and sank to the ground. My heart rate dropped to 41 bpm and my blood pressure was very low. So here I am, in bed, writing a post for all of you. But anyways, this post is not about how I feel ill today, this post is more about how far I have come in a little over a year. No, of course things are not perfect, but when I look back to a year ago, I am in a much better place health wise. I have more answers, I have had the opportunity to meet with some brilliant doctors, and I have some treatment plans/goals. I just finished up my last medical procedure a few weeks ago, which was a muscle biopsy to see if there is anything additional going on that we can address. But the journey of seeking answers to this complicated medical puzzle is coming to an end, and I am so relieved. Not knowing what is happening or going on with your body is scary. It is scary when some tests come back abnormal, it is scary when they come back normal, it is scary to feel like you are making all of this up. BUT, I am here to tell you that you are NOT making it up, something IS going on, and do not give up until you find answers. There is always hope.

So, nope, I am not where I used to be. I still struggle. In fact, there are quite a few things that I am struggling with now concerning my mental health, which has been exhausting and not at all easy. But when it comes to my medical conditions, I have come a long way. When it comes to my eating disorder (even though I still struggle a lot of days) I have come a long way. If you are feeling down, hopeless, or discouraged, I just encourage you to look back a few months, look back 6 months, a year, or two years prior. Has anything changed for the better? Have you grown in this amount of time? Has anything improved since then? Do you have more answers that you were previously searching for? I guarantee there is at least one thing that has changed for the good. Sometimes, we do not see it because we are so focused on the things that AREN’T going well. But, I challenge you to search for the things that ARE going well. I guarantee recognizing that and reflecting on it will put you into a better mood.

If you read all of this, thanks for sticking with my ramblings! Remember, you are not where you were. You are always changing and growing, and life is beautiful that way.

Much love,



3 thoughts on “I Am Not Where I Have Been

  1. How far you have come…with answers about your illnesses, with plans for your future, and by choosing to be positive. Everyone has a cross to bear, whether publicly visible or hidden within. The answer is faith. Like you said, there is always hope. Keep on blogging!😀

    Liked by 1 person

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