I am Proud

Proud. I am proud of myself.

Why are those words so hard to say? To believe? To reiterate?

I don’t know about you, but saying those words almost makes me cringe. It is so hard to acknowledge that I can do anything right, to acknowledge my accomplishments. But I am going to challenge this right here, right now, and discuss something that I am proud of.

There have been a lot of obstacles thrown my way in the last 5 years. Now I know that obstacles are just a part of life. Everyone has them, everyone has their own struggles that they need to deal with. Sometimes, it is a good thing to remind ourselves of this, because it prevents us from dwelling on our own problems. However, sometimes it is important to recognize our struggles for what they are, because undermining them can just make us feel like they are not valid. This is a dangerous way to think. Just because everyone has their own struggles, does not mean that our own hardships are less important or less real. I am notorious for believing and stating that my struggles are not as valid as other people’s. I am going to try to change my thinking for this post, because I am going to discuss a struggle that is very real, and then go on to discuss what I am proud of. This is definitely a challenge – a double challenge for that matter! Despite how hard it is to give myself credit, I am willing to put this belief to the test and I am going to go for it.

Just like anyone else, I have been faced with many adversities in my life. That being said, it has never stopped me from pursuing what I want, and for that I am proud. One of the biggest current challenges that I have to face is my health. Within the past year, I have been diagnosed with POTS, which is a form of Dysautonomia, as well as vasovagal syncope. Some doctors still think that there are other things going on, or that there are reasons for why I developed POTS that have not been discovered yet. So, I had an appointment with a surgeon this week. I went with my mom. In this appointment, we talked about getting a muscle biopsy done to test for possible metabolic issues. Of course, this discussion was anxiety provoking just hearing about what they are going to do during the operation. I think it is something that I am going to do, though. After talking to the surgeon and my mother, I realized that yes, there is the possibility that everything will come back normal. But what if it doesn’t? What if there is something that is found and something that could be done about it? If I do not get this procedure done, I would always wonder “what if,” so I think the operation is a go. In the appointment, the surgeon made the comment that I have been everywhere…literally (referring to my stay in AZ and trips to Cleveland). He was very encouraging, and told me to just keep plugging along and pursuing my goals and dreams. Then, my mom made the comment “this is my kid who just keeps on going.” It was a little uncomfortable to hear that, because I do not respond well to compliments and often dismiss them. However, after reflecting on the past couple years, I realized that my mom (and everyone else who points out my perseverance) is right. Out of all of the times that I wanted to give up and came so close to giving up, I didn’t. I am still here, and I am still fighting.

Yesterday was rough. I was quite sick all day. In the morning while I was taking my blood pressure, ironically, I blacked out and fell on the floor. I had my blood pressure cuff running the whole time, and when I started feeling better, I saw some wacky numbers! My heart rate dropped to a low of 46, and my blood pressure spiked to a high of 178/155…Crazy, right? I guess that’s the vasovagal syncope for you…Well, I was not sure if I should go to class or not. I was very pale all day and even my mom could tell I was not well. However, yesterday was my last psychology class of the semester. So, I lied down for a bit, and then got up, got myself dressed, put on my compression stockings, grabbed my Gatorade, and had my mom drive me to class. No, I didn’t feel well, but I did not want my illness to stop me from going to school, especially my last class for the spring! This is one example of how I ‘keep on going’ and don’t give up. I’m sure it would have been okay if I stayed home from class, but I knew that I could go if I had my mom drive. It would have been easier to just stay home, but I pulled myself together and made it happen. This is just a little example, but an example none the less. It is good for me to reflect on these small instances because it helps me to keep going. It helps me to realize that I AM capable, and that I can be successful.

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SO, don’t be ashamed to acknowledge and recognize your accomplishments. You deserve to feel good about yourself and you deserve to celebrate all of the good things.

Tell Me: What is something that you are proud of? Did you do anything recently that made you feel good about yourself? I would love to hear from you!

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