I Deserve ____ !

Hello beautifuls! So sorry for the inconsistency with my blog lately, but I am finding that for right now just writing whenever I become inspired to do so is the best option for me. That way, there is less stress and pressure and I feel like I am able to write more freely and am more satisfied with my writing. With everything else going on in my life right now, I think this is the best bet to keep my blog alive and going (hopefully) pretty strong 🙂

So, I am pretty excited right now, because I did something totally unplanned today…I stopped in Barnes and Noble after going to my lab and I ended up buying a book! This may sound miniscule or unimportant, and it may be to some, but it is definitely out of the ordinary for me, for several reasons…let me explain…

This book that I bought is called Every Last Word by Tamara Ireland Stone. I have been researching this book for days and reading reviews. I have been in to Barnes and Noble probably two or three times just looking at the book, debating on whether or not I should purchase it.

It all started earlier this week when I went into my psychiatrist’s appointment. I was so relieved to see her, because she is a safe person for me, and to be honest I have been struggling recently with thoughts and my mood. I also feel as though I no longer have a solid team of professionals on my side, or at least ones that know me well. Anyway, I am digressing. Back to my appointment! So, while talking with my psychiatrist she made the comment that from what she heard me saying, my OCD was running crazy and old OCD thoughts were starting to resurface. I know she is right, but part of me doubts that it is true. As much as I left feeling relieved, I also left a bit skeptical, which led me to the realization that maybe, just maybe, I can do something about these thoughts. I started googling the “best books for OCD” while I was sitting in my car, hoping to find something that might strike a cord. I did in fact, find a book that caught my attention, and that was the first trip I made to Barnes and Noble to look at Every Last Word.

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So there I was today, in the store with my latte sitting at a table by the fire place with the book sitting in front of me. I just could not make up my mind…I can be very indecisive at times. I was going back and forth as to whether or not to buy this darn book! And I am not just like that with books, but with everything. I experience immense guilt whenever I make purchases for myself. I don’t know where this guilt and anxiety come from, but I have an inkling that it stems from the belief that “I don’t deserve __ “

This thought has haunted me for years, and has been particularly loud more recently. Today in the book store I had thoughts flooding my head saying “you can’t buy this book because you don’t deserve it, you don’t deserve to read it (even though you want to), what if you buy it and you don’t like it and you wasted your money? You can’t buy nice things for yourself because you aren’t worth it.” Well you know what? I challenged these thoughts and bought the book! Now, I am not suggesting that everyone should just go and spend their money on whatever they want whenever they want frivolously. That being said if you want to do that, by all means I am not stopping you! All I am trying to say is that it is important to treat yourself every once in a while. I still am having guilt over my purchase, but I already started reading the book within the last couple hours and it is good so far! I could immediately relate to the main character when I opened up the book, and I think it is going to be a good read.

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This was kind of a long story for a short point, so if you read all of this, thanks for sticking with my ramblings. I just encourage everyone to do something that is good for you; whether that is buying a shirt you absolutely loved in Target, or eating that cookie that maybe you don’t NEED but really just want. It’s okay to treat yourself to something nice every once in a while. Heck, MORE than every once in a while is even better! Honor and celebrate yourself because you are worth it! ❤

Much love,

Claire

P.S: I may even write a review on this book once I am finished reading if you guys are interested! Have a great evening!

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3 thoughts on “I Deserve ____ !

  1. Great post and that is a very nice picture of you. I used to have the same problem in guilt treating myself. I treat myself a lot now when I feel I deserve it. I put in tireless work ethic into my diet and writing. Finishing writing a book is cause for a treat and diet that improves my diabetes deserves an award I feel because isn’t easy to manage.

    Like

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