Hello lovelies! I hope you all had a good weekend and are having a good week so far.
Yesterday I had one of the doctor’s appointments that I have been waiting for. I was able to get into a very smart world renowned doctor right here in Buffalo. He was good, smart, nice, and overall just a great doctor who you can tell really cares about finding out the underlying cause for symptoms. So…why did I leave feeling so hopeless and disappointed?
I have been waiting for a diagnosis. A confirmation that I am NOT crazy, and that these symptoms are not just ‘all in my head.’ Back in September, I went to the Cleveland Clinic with expectations of finally receiving a concrete diagnosis. Instead, the doctor said what he thought was going on, but I had to get a lot more testing done to see if he is correct and rule other illnesses out. Then I had to wait a couple months for the results…and to go back for even more testing! Luckily now, my wait is only two more weeks and I am praying that I get some more answers. This doctor that I just saw in Buffalo could not give me what I have been wanting. I told myself that I was going to go into the appointment not expecting anything, because I am tired of getting disappointed. But I have to admit, I think even subconsciously part of me was really hoping to get some definitive answers from that appointment yesterday.
What the doctor DID say, is that he wants to me to get a muscle biopsy to see if I could have mitochondrial disease or any other metabolic problems or diseases. I turned white and I felt my heart begin to race. I don’t want to have a muscle biopsy done! I don’t want ANY more testing I just want to know! I think my patience was starting to run thin.
I am very grateful that I was able to get into see this doctor yesterday. I am glad that I found a doctor, besides the one in Cleveland, who truly wants to help me and get to the bottom of what is going on. I just wish it did not involve more testing and more waiting. There is a part of me that does not want the muscle biopsy because I am afraid I am going to have this procedure done for nothing. That the results of this, too, will come back negative like my initial blood work. All of this being said, I guess you never know unless you have it done. I am going to have to put on my brave face and big girl pants and cooperate.
Yesterday, I wanted to give up. I was worn out, tired, and down right frustrated. But after a much needed nap I woke up and was feeling back to my normal self. I CANT give up. If there is a possibility that I can feel a whole lot better than I do now, then I need to keep going. I am not going to settle for being able to do the bare minimum. I want more for myself and for my life.
Whatever obstacle that you are facing in your life right now, know that there is something inside of you that can keep you fighting. Don’t give up just because your tired. You deserve all of the best in life, so keep on going until you have won your battle.