Hello loves! I hope you are all having a good weekend! This weekend has been very up and down for me; kind of like a rollercoaster. I am happy to say that within the past week I have been driving myself places more, and I am so excited to have that freedom back! It has definitely caused an increase in anxiety, but I am more than willing to face it and work through it when it occurs. I drove myself to my friend’s house last Monday, which is the farthest that I have driven in over a year. I experienced some anticipatory anxiety before the drive and I did feel anxious at times while driving there, but I was able to calm down once I arrived and I had a good time. I also drove myself to the movies last week where I saw The Visit with a good friend of mine! The movie was really good! I do enjoy my scary movies :). Then on Friday I had two appointments; one with my nutritionist and one with my therapist. This is where I was really put to the test. I drove myself there and back which is farther than driving to my friend’s house last Monday. I was determined to go myself! Plus I was meeting up with a friend briefly before hand. The drive there was a bit anxiety provoking, but it was after my appointments that I desperately wished I hadn’t driven myself. My appointments went alright, but for some reason I had heightened anxiety leaving them. I was exhausted, anxious, and just wanted to be home and not have to face the drive back with traffic and my anxiety. I had a mini break down/panic attack in the car before leaving the parking lot, but I rode it out in the car before gathering myself for the drive home. It was a bumpy drive filled with anxiety and I became very upset; I have been experiencing horrible body image and I think that was weighing on me too (no pun intended). However, despite all of the obstacles I made it home, and I am so proud of myself for pushing myself to take these steps, which for me, are huge. I am continuing to challenge myself. Tonight I am going over to my friend’s house for a movie night, and yes, I will be driving myself there. Not only am I driving myself places, but I am actually pushing myself to hangout with people more and actually leave the house, which is a very difficult task for me. Many times I feel like I am trapped in my own home; whether it be from my medical illnesses or my social anxiety and agoraphobia. But the intense desire to start driving myself places has increased the amount of times I leave the house and meet up with people. Despite the increased anxiety that comes along with these steps, I feel like I am starting to free myself from the chains that keep me housebound. It is definitely a work in progress, but I am slowly getting there.
Have a good week everyone! ❤