Taking Back My Freedom

freedom

Hello loves! I hope you are all having a good weekend! This weekend has been very up and down for me; kind of like a rollercoaster. I am happy to say that within the past week I have been driving myself places more, and I am so excited to have that freedom back! It has definitely caused an increase in anxiety, but I am more than willing to face it and work through it when it occurs. I drove myself to my friend’s house last Monday, which is the farthest that I have driven in over a year. I experienced some anticipatory anxiety before the drive and I did feel anxious at times while driving there, but I was able to calm down once I arrived and I had a good time. I also drove myself to the movies last week where I saw The Visit with a good friend of mine! The movie was really good! I do enjoy my scary movies :). Then on Friday I had two appointments; one with my nutritionist and one with my therapist. This is where I was really put to the test. I drove myself there and back which is farther than driving to my friend’s house last Monday. I was determined to go myself! Plus I was meeting up with a friend briefly before hand. The drive there was a bit anxiety provoking, but it was after my appointments that I desperately wished I hadn’t driven myself. My appointments went alright, but for some reason I had heightened anxiety leaving them. I was exhausted, anxious, and just wanted to be home and not have to face the drive back with traffic and my anxiety. I had a mini break down/panic attack in the car before leaving the parking lot, but I rode it out in the car before gathering myself for the drive home. It was a bumpy drive filled with anxiety and I became very upset; I have been experiencing horrible body image and I think that was weighing on me too (no pun intended). However, despite all of the obstacles I made it home, and I am so proud of myself for pushing myself to take these steps, which for me, are huge. I am continuing to challenge myself. Tonight I am going over to my friend’s house for a movie night, and yes, I will be driving myself there. Not only am I driving myself places, but I am actually pushing myself to hangout with people more and actually leave the house, which is a very difficult task for me. Many times I feel like I am trapped in my own home; whether it be from my medical illnesses or my social anxiety and agoraphobia. But the intense desire to start driving myself places has increased the amount of times I leave the house and meet up with people. Despite the increased anxiety that comes along with these steps, I feel like I am starting to free myself from the chains that keep me housebound. It is definitely a work in progress, but I am slowly getting there.

Have a good week everyone! ❤

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3 thoughts on “Taking Back My Freedom

  1. Yay! I’m so happy and inspired to hear about your week 🙂 go girl! Super congratulations on getting out there and taking those opportunities to challenge yourself, you’re an inspiration 🙂 I’ve also been testing my wings and agreeing (and even instigating!) meet ups with old and new friends 🙂 it’s rewarding, challenging and tiring too but I’m learning to be kind and patient with myself as I go xx hurray again and hope you have fun this eve 🙂 xx Em

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much Em! and yay! Good for you for meeting up with your friends as well! It can definitely be challenging, but the more we push ourselves to do those things the easier it will get ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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