Hello lovelies! I hope you are all having a good weekend so far. So I thought I would write a personal update post because I have not done one in a while, so here goes!
Yesterday I had a really busy day. I woke up, did school work that I needed to get done, and then around 2:15 me, Fiona (my puppy) and my mom headed out and she drove me to my therapy appointment. My appointment was not great, but it wasn’t bad either…definitely not as helpful as some other sessions. I have not seen my therapist in a few weeks, so it was mostly catching up and that sort of thing. However, I was happy to see a good friend of mine in the waiting room! We see the same therapist and she had an appointment right before me. She got out a little early and waited in the waiting room for me! It was so sweet and we haven’t seen each other in forever so I was so glad that she waited. I had her take a picture of me holding a poster that I made for a school project…let me back track a bit. I have this project for school where I had to make ‘Free Positive Thoughts Posters.’ So I had to decorate the piece of paper and write positive affirmations on the end for people to rip off and take. It was a really fun project to do and therapeutic for me, as well! Anyways, we needed to print out three copies of the poster and hang them up in different places, and then take a selfie of us at each of the three locations. I decided to make my poster geared towards eating disorders and I hung one up in my therapist’s office.
Afterwards my mom and I drove to Tim Hortons where we met up with a friend of my mom’s who works at my sister’s high school. The reason we met with her is because she has many chronic illnesses (and was even close to dying at one point in her life) and she wanted to meet me and talk with me about what I am going through. I was nervous at first because not only have I never met this woman before but I was also expected to discuss all of my physical symptoms. It ended up going really well! She is the sweetest lady and it turned out that we definitely shared some things in common. She supposedly goes to a genius doctor in Buffalo who travels the world, and she really wants me to see him. So, she sent him an e-mail on my behalf and my God father, who is an orthopedic surgeon in Buffalo, called him and told him about me. I have an appointment within two weeks! It is absolutely amazing because some people wait a year to see this doctor. I am so grateful and lucky to have such a wonderful support system. Here’s the thing though: this is where my OCD likes to sneak in. Last night I was up half the night – I had such a hard time falling asleep because of obsessive thoughts bombarding my brain. Some of those thoughts were about seeing this doctor, and “what if I’m not sick enough to see this new doctor? What my symptoms and the way I feel are just all in my head and not real? What if I don’t deserve to see this doctor? And what makes me so special to be able to get in and see him within two weeks?” When I am having these thoughts, it is hard for me to think rationally. I get sucked into this dark hole and it takes a significant amount of effort to climb out. Looking back on it now, I can recognize that my OCD was taking advantage of the situation and my insecurities (by the way, today is the last day of National OCD Awareness week! Just thought I would mention that since I have been talking about OCD). So I did not get home until late yesterday; it was a very long day and I came home exhausted and fatigued. I am still recovering today from yesterday’s outing, and I have plenty of homework that I need to work on and a puppy who needs my love and attention.
As for my eating disorder, that is a whole different topic and I will have some more posts centered around that in the near future. This is all for now…Have a great weekend everyone!