Just One of Those Days…

It’s one of those days…

I have not left the house. I did get outside for a little and tried riding my bike around the driveway for 5-10 minutes, just to get my body moving so I don’t become deconditioned. I felt a sinking feeling, however, while I was outside. There was something that was drawing me back in. I guess I am scared. There are a lot of changes occurring in my life at the moment, and I am not able to do everything that I once was. Instead of enjoying my short bike ride around the house, I felt sad. I used to run up to 10 miles at a time, and now a short bike ride is exhausting.

I am also worried about my two appointments tomorrow: my nutritionist and my psychologist. My anxiety is spiked high. Why, you ask? What would I need to be worried about? NOTHING. But for some reason I am…

What if I cannot hold a conversation with my treatment team? What if I have nothing to say? After all, most days I spend alone inside my house…what am I supposed to talk about? What if what I actually DO have to say is stupid or irrelevant? What if I cannot accurately answer their questions? The list could go on and on…I realize that a lot of these worries are obsessive and irrational. On the other hand, that does not necessarily make it easier to cope.

I will be fine, it is just one of those days where I have to try EXTRA hard-to manage, to take care of myself, to get done what needs to be completed. All I feel like doing is crawling into a ball and sleeping.

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Maybe that is okay to do for a little while. I will not forget about my tools, though. I am going to hold myself accountable and try to use at least 2 coping strategist from my coping skills book that I made (you can watch my video blog for more information on that).

This post is more of an update, a little look about what is going on inside my head today. I am finished boring you guys now and I will plan for some better, more positive posts to come in the near future. What I just hope that everyone gets from this is that it is OKAY to not always feel positive and to feel certain that everything will work out. We are all human beings and experience all kinds of different emotions. We have to embrace everything that we feel; the good and the bad.

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7 thoughts on “Just One of Those Days…

  1. Oh Bella, I’m so sorry that you had such a nasty day. I’ve these days and will have them again. Be gentle with yourself and remind yourself that ‘this too shall pass’! Hang in there, you are not alone!

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  2. Hang in there. Everybody has days where they feel bad about not wanting or being unable to do much. When that happens, just take the attitude of Scarlet O’Hara in Gone With the Wind: “I’ll think about that tomorrow.” And, “After all, tomorrow IS another day!”

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  3. Hey sweetie- definitely don’t be hard on yourself for having a hard day- we all have those days. I’m so proud of you for being willing to try 2 coping strategies even though it’s very hard to try in that circumstance. You have so much will power and strength. Once in awhile I need a “mental health day” and I try to be gentle with myself, like I would be to a friend. Maybe your appointment will go well- that’s a possibility, too! 🙂 our minds always want to go to the negative- I totally understand ! Sending hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

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