It’s one of those days…
I have not left the house. I did get outside for a little and tried riding my bike around the driveway for 5-10 minutes, just to get my body moving so I don’t become deconditioned. I felt a sinking feeling, however, while I was outside. There was something that was drawing me back in. I guess I am scared. There are a lot of changes occurring in my life at the moment, and I am not able to do everything that I once was. Instead of enjoying my short bike ride around the house, I felt sad. I used to run up to 10 miles at a time, and now a short bike ride is exhausting.
I am also worried about my two appointments tomorrow: my nutritionist and my psychologist. My anxiety is spiked high. Why, you ask? What would I need to be worried about? NOTHING. But for some reason I am…
What if I cannot hold a conversation with my treatment team? What if I have nothing to say? After all, most days I spend alone inside my house…what am I supposed to talk about? What if what I actually DO have to say is stupid or irrelevant? What if I cannot accurately answer their questions? The list could go on and on…I realize that a lot of these worries are obsessive and irrational. On the other hand, that does not necessarily make it easier to cope.
I will be fine, it is just one of those days where I have to try EXTRA hard-to manage, to take care of myself, to get done what needs to be completed. All I feel like doing is crawling into a ball and sleeping.
Maybe that is okay to do for a little while. I will not forget about my tools, though. I am going to hold myself accountable and try to use at least 2 coping strategist from my coping skills book that I made (you can watch my video blog for more information on that).
This post is more of an update, a little look about what is going on inside my head today. I am finished boring you guys now and I will plan for some better, more positive posts to come in the near future. What I just hope that everyone gets from this is that it is OKAY to not always feel positive and to feel certain that everything will work out. We are all human beings and experience all kinds of different emotions. We have to embrace everything that we feel; the good and the bad.