Choose Recovery, Again and Again…

recovery

Today I had an appointment with my dietician. I nonchalantly walked into her office, stepped on the scale, hopped off and took a seat in her nearest chair. “Hi Sheila!” I said with a smile. “Hi Claire”, she replied back, but with a more somber tone in her voice. “So really, how are you doing?” she asked in her serious tone. “Im okay I guess” I replied, a bit confused (to be truthful) by her not so cheerful and bubbly mannerisms. What I did not realize is that I had lost quite a bit of weight since I last saw her a few weeks ago. She told me today in my appointment that I knew what I was doing and that I know what I need to do to make a change. I thought about what she said to me for a minute, and then it all started to come together and make sense. I thought about all of the times that I have used ED behaviors and restricted my food within the last couple of weeks. No, I did not choose to have my eating disorder; no one chooses an eating disorder-but you CAN choose to recover. Recovery is the one aspect of the disease that you have control over. Once I left her office and went back home I had a meltdown. I felt SO incredibly bad that I have been slipping again and unintentionally doing so. Then, after my panic and fear subsided, I realized how very lucky I am to have a family and a team behind me that cares so much and are willing to do whatever they can to help me. That being said, they can only do so much: I have to do the rest of the work, the real work. It is okay to be upset over having an eating disorder. It is okay to feel angry and frustrated, but it is not okay to not try. Just like the affirmation above states, “Recovery is a series of decisions, all within my control.” There are several things that are out of my control in my life right now, but eating is something that I can choose to do. Recovery is something that does not get a day off-it does not get a break. I always have to be on guard because I know that my eating disorder will find a way to sneak into my life and manipulate me and others around me any chance it gets. I am realizing, though, that I do not want that for myself. Not only do I no longer want to entertain my eating disorder thoughts, but I have worked way too hard over the last several years to fall backwards. I must keep moving forward. So for all of you out there struggling with an eating disorder or any other type of addiction, remember that you have a say in your recovery. You did not ask for this illness, but it is not a life sentence. We can get better if we put our heart, souls, and minds to it. Have a good evening everyone and stay strong. ❤

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4 thoughts on “Choose Recovery, Again and Again…

  1. I love that quote: Recovery is a series of decisions, all within my control. So true. It will take great effort to keep plodding along, making the decisions to get well, but the good news is they are within your control. As long as you remember that you are in charge, you will be able to overcome the hurdles. Just keep choosing recovery. And don’t let anyone get you down. You are never alone. Everyone cares.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wonderful hun… You reminded me of a couple of things… Really inspiring!
    Remember: a couple of pounds less is not the end of the world, but as soon as you realise it, you should fight back. But I really don’t think that you have to beat yourself up about it! It’s okay to be not okay, as long as you don’t give up! (One of my favorite affirmations:))
    Wish you the best ❤ stay strong, you can do this! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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