Self destruction. Two very powerful words that can manifest into something frightening. I have done a lot of self destruction in the past through my eating disorder and other acts of self harm. Today, I am trying my hardest to avoid falling back down that path of self destruction. This morning I had an appointment with my eating disorder specialist doctor. I have been home for about a month since my last treatment center stay and had been doing fairly well regarding the food. Today my doctor informed me that I lost some weight and am not meeting the expectations of my meal plan and fluid goals. I knew I was slipping some during the past two weeks, and the doctor just confirmed that. We had a good talk and both agreed that I NEED to get back on track. If I continued to slip and to cancel appointments and disregard my meal plan, well, all of that solid hard work that I put into recovery over the last 5 months would start to disappear…and I have worked WAY too hard just to fall backwards again. I know that my medical condition can get me pretty down and depressed during the day. My dysautonomia makes it difficult for me to accomplish much, when I used to be a fairly busy person. However, restricting my food and fluid intake and harming myself will not fix this problem. I need to keep up with my nutrition to try to stay as healthy as possible. Falling back into old behaviors will only make my condition and my mood worse.
As the post above states, we should focus on self creation as opposed to self destruction. When we perform acts of self harm, we are dragging ourselves down. We need to be able to turn our negative actions and motives into ones that are positive. Afterall, if we have the energy and ability to inflict harm and abuse on ourselves, we also have the ability to use our energy for positive actions. Instead of self destruct, take that motive and determination and use it to create something beautiful. You are loved, you are worthy and you are special. So create-not hate. Have a good day everyone : )